Searching for Lloyd Dobler

If you are a woman between the ages of 30 and 45 reading this blog title, chances are you have already smiled. You are probably humming "In Your Eyes" reading this and recognizing a very tall, very young and very romantic John Cusack standing outside the house of an even younger Ione Skye. You remember how simultaneously strong and desperate he looks, with his hands high in the air holding an over-sized boom-box in a last-effort attempt to woo back the woman he loves. Deep sigh.

If you are a man or a woman, hopefully since the film's 1989 release you have had romantic moments of your own. Perhaps one of you has even experienced your own Lloyd Dobler scenerio and had the person who craves you so deeply stand outside your (or your parents') house one day, playing just the right song, in order to 1. get your attention 2. woo you back into their life. Perhaps you were the one doing the wooing. Regardless - you have had that moment where you were swept off your feet, damn the odds, head over heels in love and you did not let any of life's real obstacles get in the way.

Since 1989, as some of you, I have had numerous relationships, several deep loves and all the heartbreak that comes with it. And I would not have changed a thing. And. There has been one man who has been a constant, drifting in and out of my life for the past two decades with the same random consistency as a Midwest snow blizzard: you know it's coming, you know it's going to be strong, but you never know when it will hit you. The man I am speaking of is John Cusack.

Of course, I knew who John Cusack was way before "Say Anything" was released. I first spotted him in "Better Off Dead," "The Sure Thing" and in the background of all kinds of early 80's movies including "Class" and "Sixteen Candles". But when I saw "Say Anything," and witnessed this character's ability to be tender, yet strong, romantic, yet hopeful, silly, yet responsible (he was key man at the graduation party), and introduce the world to something called "kick-boxing" all the while being obsessed with great music, I immediately identified with this misunderstood outcast who wanted someone popular to like him.

In the movies that followed, John often portrayed men of mixed emotions, complex natures and dark undertones. Some examples include "The Grifters," "True Colors" & the recent "The Ice Harvest." But it is when John portrays the outcasted, hopeless romantic that I most want to be with John. In "Gross Point Blank" he was brilliant as the professional assassin going home to Michigan to attend his 10 year high school reunion and to make right with Mini Driver, whom he stood up at the prom one decade ago. In "Serendipity" he pursues true love all the way to an empty ice skating rink, where true love finds him. And, in "Must Love Dogs" he is a man in love with Diane Lane. A man who is also into music and kick boxing...

But the movie where all things John Cusack comes into play most is "High Fidelity." Shot on location in Chicago, it is a tale of misunderstood John searching for love and managing survival as the brilliant soundtrack of life marches on in constant cadence.

For the past twenty years John has waited for me on a basket ball court, he has been out with me on a date and he's even (once) kissed me. We have had silent discussions and fleeing, but deep, emotions. There have been moments where, upon waking up from another random "out of nowhere" dream I felt closer to John than to any man I have actually ever met.

And I am not alone in this particular pursuit. Back in the late 90's, when Jamie moved from Indiana, down my block on Briar St. in Chicago's Lakeview neighborhood, and into my life, she & I were fixated with trying to find John's house, John's condo, John's bike, John's coffee shop. I don't know if it ever mattered if we would ever spot John; what mattered was that we were hopeful.

In reality, I have experienced two incidences of 6 degrees of John Cusack. In high school, another drummer, Martin Bany, once told me how he and his father knew "Johnie's parents." The second event happened the night before I left for business school. Masha took me to see Madonna in concert and, outside the stadium, after the show, Joan Cusack, John's sister and wonderful actress, was standing, talking to her friend. Chris Forillo & I came up to her and then I took a photo of Chris and Joan. Ah, one step closer to the dream!

I recently read that John is single. And someone told me that he's "difficult." But who isn't? John Cusack is an accomplished and award-winning actor, successful in comedy, drama, thriller and, of course, romance movies. His strong sensitivity, obsession with music and love of film are just a few of the things he & I both have in common. Not to mention the Chicago roots. I wonder if I will ever meet him or if the man who I will fall eternally in love with will share the same characteristics? But am I really that interested in John Cusack, or his portrayal of my favorite leading man, Lloyd Dobler?